What an Addict is Worth
I recently learned that there are people in our communities opposing the administration of Narcan to those experiencing an opiate overdose. The logic behind their opposition is that states and counties are footing the bill for this reckless behavior, and taxpayers should not be fiscally responsible for saving the lives of people who, in their opinion, don't value their own lives. Essentially, they are saying money is more important to them than human beings are. This makes me physically ill, the idea that a person's life is not worth saving if they are an addict. Clearly these misinformed individuals don't know anything about addiction, and I've always adhered to the idea that if you know jack shit about something you should shut your fool mouth and get educated before spewing an opinion. Just saying. Unfortunately we live in an era where misinformation is touted as fact and people are too lazy to question it, hence the circus sideshow presidential election that is upon us. The vast majority of our populace is perfectly content in their ignorance, and they swallow all kinds of bullshit on a daily basis. Including the myth that addiction is a simple choice, not an actual disease. But for those of us who have experienced the throes of addiction firsthand, or witnessed it destroy the people we love, we know that the continued spread of these fallacies is a death sentence for millions. And personally, I can't allow that.
I have found it nearly impossible to accurately describe what it is like to be an addict. The things I've seen and experienced, the emotions I've felt, and the words I know just don't combine effectively enough to paint a picture of this particular circle of hell, this monster. I have always called my addiction a monster, always likened it to the monster that lived under my bed when I was a child. I didn't know what it looked like, but I knew it had the sharpest teeth of any monster alive, that it was far bigger than me, that it had an insatiable appetite for tasty human morsels, and that if I wasn't careful...if I didn't keep the hallway light on or tiptoe as silently as possible to and from the bathroom...it would devour me. The difference between that monster and my addiction is that I grew out of the first one. My addiction, well, I'd love to grow out of it, but it's always lurking somewhere...waiting for me.
Being an addict is feeling awkward and uncomfortable in your own skin. It's feeling like you are perpetually at the edge of a great gaping abyss, at times clinging to it with white knuckled hands praying you won't fall. Sometimes I have no idea if I'm going to survive this shit. That's the truth. I could bleed my best intentions, make hundreds of excellent life choices, do everything I've been told I'm "supposed" to do...and one bad day or one wrong thought could ruin it all. It can be a miserable burden to carry. Then there's days like today, where I barely even remember it's there because things seem so right. But you have to be careful of those days, too...too many in a row and you might let your guard down, might get overconfident about life. That's just as dangerous as having zero confidence, so they say (whoever "they" are). They say the key to it is balance...I say show me wtf that looks like...
It has been almost five years since I kicked my addiction to heroin, and I'd like to say I'll never go back...but I don't know that. All I know is that right now I'm okay, I'm doing the best I can, and I don't WANT to go back. I also know that I have a lot of life left in me, and a lot to offer the world...I am hungry for life, for happiness, for purpose. I want to help people...I want to change the way people think about things like addiction, race, poverty, social justice...I'm barely getting started.
I know, without a doubt, that my life is worth something, and that it always has been...even when I was a junkie. My life was worth saving five years ago, and the lives of those still mired in active addiction are worth saving NOW. They should not be abandoned by the community or by those in power. So I encourage everyone reading this, please stand on the side of humanity and not on the side of greed. Who knows... you could be a light in somebody's darkness, just by believing they are worth it. Sometimes a little light is all it takes to wake someone up...
I support administering Narcan to people experiencing an opiate overdose. I support saving lives. We have no idea what those lives might be capable of.
That's all for now. Thanks for listening!
I have found it nearly impossible to accurately describe what it is like to be an addict. The things I've seen and experienced, the emotions I've felt, and the words I know just don't combine effectively enough to paint a picture of this particular circle of hell, this monster. I have always called my addiction a monster, always likened it to the monster that lived under my bed when I was a child. I didn't know what it looked like, but I knew it had the sharpest teeth of any monster alive, that it was far bigger than me, that it had an insatiable appetite for tasty human morsels, and that if I wasn't careful...if I didn't keep the hallway light on or tiptoe as silently as possible to and from the bathroom...it would devour me. The difference between that monster and my addiction is that I grew out of the first one. My addiction, well, I'd love to grow out of it, but it's always lurking somewhere...waiting for me.
Being an addict is feeling awkward and uncomfortable in your own skin. It's feeling like you are perpetually at the edge of a great gaping abyss, at times clinging to it with white knuckled hands praying you won't fall. Sometimes I have no idea if I'm going to survive this shit. That's the truth. I could bleed my best intentions, make hundreds of excellent life choices, do everything I've been told I'm "supposed" to do...and one bad day or one wrong thought could ruin it all. It can be a miserable burden to carry. Then there's days like today, where I barely even remember it's there because things seem so right. But you have to be careful of those days, too...too many in a row and you might let your guard down, might get overconfident about life. That's just as dangerous as having zero confidence, so they say (whoever "they" are). They say the key to it is balance...I say show me wtf that looks like...
It has been almost five years since I kicked my addiction to heroin, and I'd like to say I'll never go back...but I don't know that. All I know is that right now I'm okay, I'm doing the best I can, and I don't WANT to go back. I also know that I have a lot of life left in me, and a lot to offer the world...I am hungry for life, for happiness, for purpose. I want to help people...I want to change the way people think about things like addiction, race, poverty, social justice...I'm barely getting started.
I know, without a doubt, that my life is worth something, and that it always has been...even when I was a junkie. My life was worth saving five years ago, and the lives of those still mired in active addiction are worth saving NOW. They should not be abandoned by the community or by those in power. So I encourage everyone reading this, please stand on the side of humanity and not on the side of greed. Who knows... you could be a light in somebody's darkness, just by believing they are worth it. Sometimes a little light is all it takes to wake someone up...
I support administering Narcan to people experiencing an opiate overdose. I support saving lives. We have no idea what those lives might be capable of.
That's all for now. Thanks for listening!
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